IT WAS NOT THE MAN FLU

The mighty Man Flu. It's time someone set the record straight. And, just maybe, regain the upper hand.

Colds are not the same as the flu.

A cold is also known as Rhinovirus, Coronavirus, Adenovirus, or other colloquial names, such as Crud, Ague, or Sniffles. It tends to come on slow and be milder, likely without fevers. Don't ask me how to pronounce colloquial.

The flu, however, is known as Influenza, which sounds dangerous enough. Some call it the Grippe or Plaque. Those don't sound any better. It comes on fast and peaks much higher, with fevers. It'll knock you down.

The Man Flu is my wife's way to describe the catastrophic, nay cataclysmic, results of me catching a cold. I find this somewhat degrading. Why isn't there a Woman Flu? Come to think on it, I'm not certain my wife has ever had a cold. So, let me press pause on that line of reasoning.

A couple weeks ago, I had the Grippe. Plaque. Influenza. I lay on my couch all week and watched old movies. The Godfather. Die Hard (Christmas was coming, after all.) Star Wars, the good ones. Firefly, which was shiny. I thought maybe I had a cold. But it got bad, so I looked it up on the internet, because I can trust everything there. I had influenza, every symptom box checked. I like the Plague better.

Interestingly, my wife never once said I had the Man Flu while I lay on the couch. I've had it in the past. Many times, as I recall her telling me so. But not this time. So, I asked her, "Why do you think I didn't have the Man Flu?"

She responded. "You didn't complain. That's how I know you're really sick."

Now, I've spent over three decades with this woman. She's sweet, caring, and incredibly hard working both at home and her occupation. She raised three sons. To keep them in line, we had to be transparent with each other. It was husband and wife against the three monsters. How is it I only just now learned that a lack of whining equals real illness? She kept it from me. Secret wife knowledge.

Of course, I recovered from the flu. Barely. So. Much. Snot. I feel fine now.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I learned that from my mom. And I've learned secret woman knowledge that I'm now sharing with you. And here it is:

If you have the sniffles, don't complain. She'll bring you soup. Now that's shiny.